Archive | April, 2012

Things That Remind Me of Indiana

10 Apr

The Fulton County Courthouse in Rochester, Indiana — a small town in the northwest part of the state, where I lived for a few years (Wikimedia Commons/Tisto).

“There’s more than corn in Indiana!” That’s the advertising slogan and jingle of a water park and “amusement resort” called Indiana Beach. I remember driving by the billboards on remote highways stretching through miles of cattle pastures and corn crops. I never visited the park/resort; maybe that’s why I still associate cornfields with Indiana more than bustling beaches.

I have lived in Phoenix, Arizona for most of my life, but I was born in Indianapolis and I spent most of my teenage years and early ’20s in Indiana, in both the capitol city and a small town near the Michigan border called Rochester (population: 2,000 — and that’s probably an exaggeration). There are things I really miss about the Midwest — vibrant autumn colors dappled through big, fluffy maple leaves; bouncing over country back roads and driving through covered bridges; some wonderful old friends. And occasionally, I’ll see or hear something that reminds me of Indiana — like today, when I heard  “Small Town” (by Seymour, Indiana native John Mellencamp) on the radio. Here are some other things that remind me of the Hoosier State. May I return to visit again sooner rather than later (and preferably not in the winter).

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Strange Messengers: Real people. Real headlines. Real stupid.

5 Apr

“Virgin boy eggs” (neatorama.com)

Seriously, you can’t make this stuff up.

Rocker gets rabies shots after bat urinates in his eye“: Andrew Elstner, the guitarist of metal band Torche, was staying at a friend’s house in St. Louis, and when he flipped on the ceiling fan, he scared the piss out of a trapped bat and it gave him a golden shower in his eye. Maybe the bat was looking for Ozzy.

Police free sex shop customer from handcuffs: Sometimes, a sex shop employee will ask if you want them to put batteries in a vibrator before you buy it to make sure it works. But if they ask if you want to try out the whips and chains, you should probably say no.

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Ten Most Creative Song Titles (a.k.a. “Cool Decemvir”)

3 Apr

Let’s face it: most song titles suffer from severe cases of sameness and paralytic obviousness. This can be blamed partly on the traditional muse trios of poetry and rock ‘n’ roll: love, death, and poetry; and sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll, respectively. Hence, a lot of different songs with the same titles: “Love Song,” “Cocaine,” “Rock and Roll.”

But I also pass the buck to the bands for not brainstorming a bit more. Sometimes, the song title is irrefutable for lack of lazy lyrics: when you’re singing “under my umbrella, umbrella, umbrella” or “crimson and clover” over and over, you can’t get too creative on the sleeve. Rihanna could’ve called “Umbrella” something else, like “Subliminal Possession” (there’s evil in that thar song, according to this wacky website ), and Tommy James could’ve titled “Crimson and Clover” something like “Meaningless Hook in a Teenage Seduction,” but people would just call them the “Umbrella” song and that “Crimson and Clover”song anyway.

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